Couples Counselling is the New Norm
It's time we normalize therapy. I live in the land of people creating meaningful change, on the daily. But as I speak with new couples seeking help, I realize there is still a stigma attached. Somehow, in some way, many couples feel as though they've failed.
When our car is making funny noises, we call a mechanic. A toothache? We call a dentist. We think nothing of routine medical appointments that draw blood and check reflexes. And yet, the most common of all the challenges.... and we argue and suffer and argue and suffer, and needlessly so.
What can couples therapy do for my relationship? Well, everything.
We have this notion that when we meet and fall in love, the hard part is over. Seeking and finding can take years, decades even. But when we match up with someone and begin a life together, the hard part doesn't hit until our pheromones stop lighting up like a Christmas tree each time we connect. Once those chemicals have become entirely familiar with one another, the "spark" quite literally fades.
Now, there is a reason this high of falling in love must come to its end. We simply would not get anything done in our world, if we all stayed doughy-eyed and grinning all-the-live-long-day. That fuzzy delight is fun, it's true. But it's meant to be a short ride. Equate this to the idea of going to a theme park and riding the roller coaster non-stop. Loses its rush, in time.
When the fuzzies fade, we begin to see one another with more clarity. This can be a disappointing process, by times. But it doesn't have to be.
Discovering love as a verb, is the real deal. Learning to love someone flaws and all, this is why we come together in the first place. We're really busy working stuff out, just much easier to do this in relationship than in our own little bubble of solitude that doesn't snore or eat the last cookie from the jar.
Couples counselling is really about becoming conscious about this process of loving someone else. It's also about learning to love ourselves.
We can change up relationships once that high comes to its end. This might even be an effective way to live in perpetual fuzzies, if we had someone stand up every three months and shout- "Rotate".
But what if we reinvented what relationships are all about, instead? What if we made couples therapy normal, and it became a self-care regime no different than hot yoga or the running club.
What if relationships became known for what they really are - an opportunity to learn and grow as a human. "If I learn to love you better, I become a better version of myself."
When choosing a Counsellor, be picky. Try out a session or two and move on, if it doesn't feel right. You've spent more in take-out food than you have those couple of sessions, so cut your losses and keep shopping.
And lastly, Couples Counselling does not need to be 50 minutes of misery. Find a therapist that makes you laugh. Learn something new. Sprout a few brain cells trying out a brand new way of communicating. Have some fun. According to our business analytics, people are constantly searching the keywords “marriage counselling Peterborough”, “couples therapy Peterborough” and “family counselling Peterborough”. That’s why we are here to help!
If you or someone you know is struggling, break the stigma and seek help. Counselling is normal. It's better than normal, it's an opportunity. Learn more about our services today.
Kim Sargent
Clinical Director
Canadian Family Health Counselling
Photo Credit: Jennifer Marquez