Parenting and the Pause

And just like that, we are over a year into this global pandemic. You've survived. But it's time to rest, recharge and reimagine the road ahead. Let's wire-up the "pause" in parenting. Here's why:

Children adapt effortlessly. They simply haven't been wired-up with old habits that must be unlearned in order to upload a new operating system, like the insanity of this pandemic. This malleable state was by design, it happens to work well with surviving childhood.

Adults don't adapt with the same ease, at least not without practice. As we increase our responsibilities with age, our brains wire-up habits and keep them operating in perfect order while we get onto creative new endeavours Also, by design.

This getting onto new and creative endeavours, this is also what gives us energy.

At the beginning of this pandemic, everything was new. We leapt into action and harnessed a surge of fresh energy we could surf like a wave.

One year into this thing, that wave is no longer new. We also have zero time in a day to chase shiny new creative endeavours and so what do we do instead? We begin to crash.

If we were surfing and crashed, we'd do it swiftly. We might tumble around in circles bouncing off the ocean floor, and we'd recover battered and bruised and make our way to shore for a rest. During this pandemic, nope. There will be none of that. No rest. Just a whole lot of slow-motion tumbling and bouncing, tumbling and bouncing. This is one spectacular crash that just isn't coming to an end.

So now what?

Our children are plugged into us. They cut that physical umbilical cord at birth, but the energetic one continues on... for life. And when we were surged with energy while creative problem-solving our way through this pandemic, we fed our children a lot of intense energy- but it was still rather positive. Now, well, now we are coasting on fumes. If that. We're crashing. And crashing. And crashing.

With all this slow motion crashing going on, our children are also falling flat. They are adapting, but they are adapting to something none of us want to see stick any longer than necessary.

Let's talk about this pause. What is a pause?

Parenting can begin to feel like a cycle of high emotion with lots of reactivity. You are tired, so your voice is gritty and strained and the children react with miserable moodiness. Their moodiness causes all the more strain and despite doing a fabulous job at smiling through the pain, you are simply wiped out. Kids don't care what we say, they vibe off what we feel, until one of us breaks the cycle.

Introducing- The Pause.

The pause is the gap between any message sent and received. We are wired-up to react to our circumstances when we're in Fight, Flight or Freeze. Nothing like a good ole pandemic to awaken our inner reactor.

When we get stuck in Fight, Flight or Freeze mode long enough, we stay there. This is genius, in terms of our evolution. Not so genius in terms of a pandemic. But we can change this.

A pause can be created to take a deep cleansing breath before, after or during any reactionary state. We can pause before a meal. Pause when chaos ensues. We can pause before tucking the kids into bed. Pause before turning on the engine of your car. Pause before you close your eyes to sleep.

In the beginning, this pause should look quite dramatic. Let's meet drama with drama. Stop dead in your tracks and inhale loudly and with a flourish of arm movements up and away as you breathe in and out. Say out loud- "the pause" each time you do. You have little people watching you who are learning every single second, and this pause is a lifelong tool. Pause by literally stopping to smell the flowers. Pause while inhaling the skin of a lemon. Pause in the mirror and remind yourself you are doing the very best job you can. Pause.

In a short while your brain recognizes the benefit of this pause, and it wires-up the habit. You only need to put effort into this process a short while, and your brain will do the rest. If you get stuck or fail miserably, just start over. It'll come. Like all types of therapy and counselling, practice and consistency is key. You're doing great!

Happy Pausing!